EMS Thoughts…
Watching the Monday Night Football game where Damar Hamlin went into cardiac arrest, brought back my EMS days as if it was just yesterday. I realized there is still a lot of unhealed stuff for me around that time, and because writing is a form of healing for me, I started to write…
When I began in EMS, my starting pay was around $6-7/hr. It was slightly over minimum wage at the time. When I left my full-time position, 16 years later, I was maxed out at ceiling which was around $18/hr. I continued to work PRN for an additional 2 years after that without any raises… not for the money, obviously, but because so much of my identity & self-worth was tied into the idea of being an EMT.
With that job I was required to constantly go through continuing education… sometimes I got paid for it, but sometimes I had to pay for it myself. I also had to pay for licensing every 2 years. (I would re-test the National Registry to maintain my license) I had to pay for uniforms beyond what my nominal uniform allowance covered. (Or if I couldn’t afford more, I had to choose between having a winter coat on the job or having enough uniforms to wear in a work week)
That job was also VERY detrimental to my health mentally, emotionally & physically… it’s ultimately why I had to quit. I couldn’t do it anymore & still be able to function as a single mom & business owner. So, after 18 years I retired.
I’m proud of the work I did in EMS, but I also know I sacrificed my health & wellbeing because I had made my identity around being an EMT… I stayed there much longer than I should have.
After I quit I spent approximately $30,000 out of pocket getting my health back. I don’t regret spending that money, because getting my health & happiness back was priceless.
Why am I saying all of this?
1) The amount of money a person earns is in no way correlated how valuable their contribution to the world is. Yet, our society views low-paying jobs as a punishment for not doing “more” with your life. The statement “If they wanted to make more money, they should’ve gone to school” is a privileged & out of touch view of reality… and it keeps us disconnected & fighting with each other. We all have different talents & abilities, and for some, serving others is one of those inherent talents… whether it’s a public servant, a retail worker, a secretary, a server at a restaurant, etc. All of these jobs are needed, and we take them for granted, and even look down on them, until sh*t hits the fan. Just because someone doesn’t have a formal 4 year degree, it doesn’t mean they’re not educated & it’s no indication of how smart they are… we don’t all start with the same starting line in life. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have, and if someone is contributing to the betterment of society in anyway, that is admirable. Regardless of what someone’s education, it’s inhumane to expect someone to work 50-60 hours a week just to make ends meet… which I routinely had to do back then. I not only sacrificed my health for the job, but also my family. These low-paying service jobs are 1000% necessary for our society to function (they’re even life-saving)… The fact that these jobs ARE low-paying ISN’T necessary. Because, yes, even our “non-profit” hospitals & medical systems are actually HUGE profitable entities. It’s a choice by the higher ups to pay low worker wages. So, BE KIND to helping professionals & service workers… They are all worthy of respect & kindness… AND a living wage, but I digress…
2) No job, or anything else, is worth sacrificing your health. No amount of money, status, or any other ego-driven “benefit” is worth it. When you have your health you have endless dreams & goals, but when you lose your health you suddenly only have 1 - to get it back. Don’t wait until you have a heart attack, or get a cancer diagnosis, to change your environment & behaviors… do it now.
3) The amount of money you will spend to KEEP your health is SIGNIFICANTLY less than the money you’ll spend trying to regain it. Investing in your health today is savings for the future you want. The healthy, organic food, supplements, exercise, etc may seem expensive, but in the long run it’s actually cheaper… and it’s worth it.
To all of my EMS cohorts (and to anyone else who works in a toxic environment) - change comes from the bottom up, not the top down. It’s only when workers say “Enough” is when change will happen. (Unionize already, would ya? You need someone on your side) I worked for nearly 2 decades in not only the trauma that the job inherently held, but also in an abusive, toxic environment from management… we worked unreasonable hours in inadequate & unsafe conditions, and if we complained, we were told we’re replaceable. A fish doesn’t know it’s swimming in water… and I didn’t know I was in a codependent/abusive relationship with my job until I was out. Being on the other side, I can tell you that you deserve more - financially, conditionally & respectfully.
Do I miss that job? No, not in the slightest… but, I do still grieve the fact that I’m unable to do it. I’ve learned in my healing, since I left that profession, that it’s completely normal to grieve something you once loved… even if that thing was toxic & hurtful to you. The healing & growth comes when you realize that even though it hurts that you’re not there anymore, it doesn’t mean that you should go back. This goes for jobs, relationships, or anything else. That pull to go back to dysfunction runs DEEP when it’s all you know. (Which is why you shouldn’t judge someone who’s struggling to leave a toxic relationship, job, etc) Even after I got my health back & had years of therapy, my desire to go back almost took over in 2020 when the pandemic happened. I almost renewed my license because I wanted to help & be important in a time where I felt helpless. (I’m an enneagram 4 - in stress I go into “helper mode” & as a true 4 I’ve spent my entire life struggling to find significance in myself ) I legitimately thought about sacrificing my health again to put on that uniform, but because of the mental/emotional healing I had done, I knew that was my ego talking & a trauma response… not what God had planned for me. EMS was my past… my future consists of other ways of contributing to this world.
I’m thankful for the lessons I’ve learned in this journey & I hope by me sharing those lessons it helps anyone who needs it.
Thank a service worker… you have no idea what they’ve had to deal with today.