It’s Not “Cheating”.
I used to have many false beliefs about success. These beliefs not only prevented me from being as successful as I wanted to be, but they also led to burnout - physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually. A few beliefs I used to have about success are…
For something to be worthy of praise, or a feeling of accomplishment, it must be grandiose or difficult to achieve.
I am solely responsible for my own success.
Asking for help is a sign of weakness.
Paying others to do something I don’t want to do, but that I could do, is frivolous & irresponsible.
Paying others to do something I’m not good at, but could learn to do better, is cheating.
Struggle is proof that something is “worth it”.
Through my burnout recovery, the biggest changes that happened within me were my mindset… which changed my life for the better in every way.
As Wayne Dyer once said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
And boy did things change… I began experiencing more joy in my life. I started accomplishing things I didn’t think were possible for me. I felt less burdened… less exhausted… less frustrated… less alone.
So, I thought I’d share a few of the life-altering epiphanies I’ve had along the way, for anyone who may be interested in finding more ease as they pursue success… and wanting to actually enjoy the process of pursuing success…
I began to realize that I am always doing the best I can at any given moment - my “best” just looks different from day-to-day & moment-to-moment. This looks like:
Accepting that if I’m low on energy, for whatever reason, I’m not going to be able to physically do as much as I can on days where my energy is higher… and that’s okay. I’m still doing the best I can that day.
If I’m going through a lot of change in my life, I won’t have the mental capacity to handle other people’s “stuff” or even as much of my own “stuff” as I would have if I was in a ‘maintenance’ phase of my life… I understand that eventually the ‘new’ changes will become my new normal, and at that time I will have more bandwidth for others and my own self-improvement.
I began celebrating EVERY small decision & action I take towards becoming the person I want to be, instead of waiting to reach some imaginary finish line I created for myself… which always used to get moved as I got closer to it… which led me to constantly chasing success, instead of embracing success. Chasing success left me feeling exhausted & not “enough”, while embracing success gives me the energy I need to keep moving forward.
Now I know, who I become in the future is based on the actions I take today. So, by celebrating each action I take today, I get to actually enjoy my life, and achieve the success that I want in a sustainable way. Win-Win.
Although I am solely responsible for my decisions & actions, I am not alone on my journey of success.
I realized that I didn’t have all of the answers… and that didn’t make me stupid, it just meant that I hadn’t had those experiences or learned that information yet. I need people outside of myself to find these answers.
You don’t know what you don’t know… but, we all have the ability to learn more. We just have to be humble enough to admit we don’t know everything, and we have to take the action of seeking out new, possibly contradicting information to what we’ve always “known”.
I realized that the people I viewed as successful didn’t get there on their own. (Although they may try to act like they did)
Billionaires & high-powered CEOs didn’t build their companies by themselves… No, they built them with the labor of the people that work for them.
The most successful people in the world are surrounded by a team… they pay people to do things, so they can do more, and they have moral support to help them carry the load of success in their life.
I realized collaborations will expand your reach beyond what you can do yourself. It’s not “using’ someone when both parties are working towards a goal.. and you both reach that goal faster & easier with support. Win-Win.
I also realized I don’t “owe” someone for their kindness & generosity… I am allowed to receive.
I realized the connections/relationships in my life are there for a reason, and sometimes those connections lead to success in other areas of my life - like financially. The work I put in to cultivating & maintaining these connections is “the work”. I have proven my skills & capabilities to the other parties in these relationships. So, when they refer me to someone else, it’s not charity or pity - I earned it. I am allowed to enjoy the unplanned side-effects, like financial opportunities, without guilt… because they’re actually a ripple effect of the work I’ve already done.
I realized asking for help is a sigh of strength, not weakness.
Admitting you’re struggling is fucking brave.
Admitting you don’t have it all together is honest & real.
Admitting your humanness is nothing to be ashamed of… it’s empowering.
When we deny any part of ourselves, it wastes energy, because we’re constantly having to suppress that part. By fully accepting ALL of our humanness, we can use that freed-up energy to move forward.
I realized there is no point in making money if I’m not going to use it to enhance my life in some way.
I realized my energy expands when I’m doing things, I’m good at or enjoy doing, and it’s drained really quickly when I spend my time doing things I hate or I’m terrible at.
I first realized this when I was deep in burnout/health problems. At that time, I hired someone to clean my apartment once a month because I physically couldn’t do it because I was so sick. Initially the negative voice in my head berated myself for…
“Not being a good mom” because my home was messier than the house I grew up in - my mom kept everything pristine as I was growing up.
“Being lazy” for needing to sleep & rest so much… Up to that point I thought accomplishing everything in life was simply mind over matter.
“Being worthless” because not being able to keep up with the housework of my 1,000 square foot apartment felt very shameful.
After hiring someone for this chore, I realized how much energy it gave back to me. It wasn’t just about the physical time & energy it took to clean my apartment… it freed up so much mental energy too. That was one task I no longer had to worry about. That created space in my life to focus on other things that I couldn’t delegate out - like being a mom & training my clients. The realizations I had during that time that countered the negative voice in my head were…
My mom & I lived completely different lives. She was a stay-at-home mom for a lot of years, or only worked outside of the house part-time. Part of her daily “job” was the upkeep of the house. Whereas I am a single-mom, with a full-time job outside of the home. It’s apples & oranges… both are fruit, but they’re different. We were both mothers, but the environment & circumstances my mom & I lived in were different… why was I expecting myself to produce oranges when my seeds were from an apple? Insanity. (and unrealistic expectations)
Needing rest is not laziness… it’s essential. If the battery is dead on my car, it doesn’t matter how hard I press on the gas pedal - it’s not going anywhere. The same is true for my body. Yes, we are physically capable of significantly more than our minds often let us believe, but the body has its own inner-intelligence. It will shut down as a survival mechanism when it’s being pushed to its max. I reached that max, and there was no amount of willpower that could make my body do more than it was capable of doing at that time… it wasn’t laziness. It was decades of burning the candle at both ends that finally caught up to me.
My worth is not tied to my productivity. Nothing I do or accomplish in this lifetime makes me any more worthy of living this life. I was chosen to experience this lifetime for a reason… and that reason was not to spend it exhausted, stressed out, unhappy, unhealthy & hating myself.
I also realized that by me hiring out this task, I was helping to provide an income to someone else to support their family. It’s not frivolous or irresponsible… it’s a blessing - to me & them. (As a self-employed person I can tell you first-hand that we want you to hire us for our services. We do not view it as frivolous… We get to use our talents to help you, and you get to use your abundance to help us provide for our families. Again… Win-Win.)
Finding the balance of challenging myself to learn new skills & delegating things I don’t know how to do, is a process I’m still learning. Some questions I ask myself to help me decide if I should invest my time & energy are…
Just because I can do this, should I? Or would my time & energy be better spent doing something else I am good at doing?
Is this a skill that’s going to help me in other areas? If not, then it may not be something I want to invest my time & energy into learning.
Does it make financial sense for me to spend my time doing this task? When I hired the housekeepers, I realized the amount of money I was paying them per hour was less than the amount of money I charged per hour for the services I provided… it made more sense to pay them less for those hours & for me to spend that time working in my business instead.
Will the job I do at this task be up to the standard I desire? Or would someone with those talents & skills do a better job?
Struggle is no indication of worthiness - joy & fulfillment is.
I realized if something brings me joy that is enough justification to do it.
I realized it’s the process of doing something new that brings me fulfillment, not the end result. This is because my growth happens from the new actions I take, not the achievement. It’s not the trophy that changes you… it’s the process that you take to earn the trophy that creates change within you. The trophy can be taken away, but the changes cannot.
I realized that life is hard, but suffering is a choice.
I realized finding ease doesn’t make challenges less difficult, it makes them less exhausting.
I realized the only moment I have is right now… the past is a memory & the future doesn’t exist yet… if I want to create a better future, then it’s what I do right now that matters. If I want to have memories, then I must fully immerse myself in the now.
I’ve used these lessons to I help others pursue their own success, while at the same time finding this same joy & ease in their lives… which allows them to experience even more success (and actually enjoy it!) I feel incredibly blessed to be able to help others in this way.
I recently had a client say to me that she felt like she was “cheating” by hiring me to help her with her goals & to keep her accountable…
I said to her “Just because I help you create an effective plan; doesn't mean you’re not doing the work”
Because it’s true. For her to be successful, she has to do the work. I’m simply here to provide support & an outside perspective of things that may be blocking her - such as this negative, limiting belief that asking for help somehow takes away her success. There’s nothing I do that takes away from my clients’ success… I’m simply one piece of the support system they have at the foundation of the life they are wanting to build. It’s their life. Their blood, sweat & tears. It’s 100% their success.
I just grateful I get to see the amazing things they build when they begin to believe in themselves… it truly is amazing to watch. :)
I hope by me sharing these insights you realize you’re not alone in whatever success you’re pursuing at the moment… and I hope you take the time to fully appreciate where you are & how far you’ve come. Keep going. You’ve got this.
We’ve got this.
XO,
Stacie