The Growth Process Is A Grief Process

The growth process is a grief process.

There are 3 steps in the growth…

First comes awareness that something needs to change. Prior to awareness we just do what we’ve always done… because you don’t know what you don’t know.

Then comes change in behavior. This is a very action-oriented step. It takes conscious effort to do something different than your previous normal.

Finally comes letting go… this can be letting go of a previous version of yourself, or even a relationship with someone else.

I’ve always been great at step 2 because taking action is mental, but what I found is it was really hard for me to move to letting go and fully embodying the new version of me…

The reason why is because with awareness & with letting go comes grief.

Becoming aware of ways that we’ve abandoned or mistreated ourselves, or how others have mistreated us brings up emotions. So does letting go of previous versions of ourselves or previous versions of relationships.

I’ve learned that for me to fully step into my future, I first have to fully process my emotions about the past… I have to go through the 5 stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance.

Denial is usually when I first become aware… it’s that “ugh, no, it’s not that bad”

Anger is what motivates me to start taking different action.

Bargaining is after I’ve started the new action, which is always hard at first, simply because it’s new… I try to make deals with God & myself to let me find the easy way around the problem. (The only way is through… so, this never works😉)

Then comes “depression”… which sometimes is true depression, depending on how much of a loss I feel, but most of the time it’s just a deep sadness of feeling the pain I inflicted on myself or pain I perceived someone else inflicted on me.

Finally comes acceptance. This is where I fully embody the new version of me, and this is where it becomes easy to take the new actions, because they’ve become a part of who I am.

Prior to allowing myself to fully grieve, it was a struggle to be consistent in new behaviors that embrace the person I want to be. Allowing myself to grieve fully, without judgement, has exponentially led to growth in my life. Now I am consistent in new behaviors, and those new behaviors are in alignment with moving me towards my full potential.

Yes, feeling our feelings is hard, but it’s worth it, because it leads to ease & joy in all areas of our lives. If you suppress the bad feelings, you also suppress the good… only when we allow ourselves to feel all feelings can we fully experience all aspects of life.

Be brave enough to grieve. The new version of you depends on it. 💖