Me Vs Them
Me vs Them.
Learning to fight in a healthy way takes intention, but it’s worth it.
I used to shoot daggers… not literally, of course, but figuratively with my words. When I was in conflict with someone I’d attack their character. I’d keep a running tally of everything they’d ever done to hurt me & I’d pull out that list anytime I needed more ammo. I believed it was me vs them, and my survival instinct warned me “kill or be killed”… there was no way I was going to be the one to be killed… So, I wouldn’t stop until I was the victor. Once I felt I had conquered the territory I was after, I drew a new line in the sand, creating a divide in the relationship, as an attempt to protect myself from being hurt again.
Being right was more important than being happy.
Today, I have a different perspective when I fight someone I love. What I realized is it’s not me vs them… it’s us vs our egos/pride. I & the person I’m arguing with are on the same side - what we want is peace between us. The other person is simply trying to get me to see their perspective & I’m trying to get them to see mine. Realizing we have the same goal allows me to stay calm because my nervous system isn’t in fight or flight & ready to attack… and we are able to communicate in a healthy way. We both walk away from the conflict feeling seen & heard, and even if we still disagree, we both have a broader perspective of the issue at hand… from there we can come up with a solution that brings us closer together, instead of driving us apart.
(This doesn’t apply to a narcissist/abuser, who is truly trying to hurt/control me… that’s a whole different war that I choose not to engage in anymore)
As humans, we all want to be seen, heard & accepted for who we truly are. When this doesn’t happen, our egos & pride want to build walls to shield us… but, what ultimately results from living in that solitary confinement is we lose touch with reality, we’re trapped in our delusion, and we become disconnected as a way to dissociate & survive the pain we’re in. That disconnection leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms to fill that void in our life, which creates a bigger divide between us & others… and we really dig a hole in our fortress.
We’re not meant to live life caged.
Believing we are at war with everyone around us is exhausting, and not sustainable.
But, knowing that we’re on the same team gives us the stamina to fight the good fight… us vs our egos/pride. Building an alliance against these forces that want to keep us apart, makes us stronger. Together we can build connections even when we don’t agree… connection with others is what makes life worthwhile. Connecting with something greater than ourselves gives us purpose. Connection is what fills that void, not coping mechanisms. Connection is what allows us to feel joy & happiness.
We’re all in this messy, magnificent life together. I challenge you to lay down your weapons so you can truly fulfill your purpose in this life…
Your soul didn’t come here to fight one another… It came here to love one another.💖
#relationships #behaviorchange #codependency #12steps #recovery #thriving #healing #boundaries #lifecoach #healthcoach #forgiveness #mindset #happy #healthy #lifecoaching