When Gratitude Isn’t Helpful
When gratitude ISN’T helpful…
I have been blessed with the gift of gratitude. I don’t think I’ve always been this way, but over the years I’ve learned to find the bright side of every situation. I truly am grateful for everything that’s happened in my life - good & bad - simply because it’s all of those experiences combined that shaped the woman I am today… and I like who I am today.
Some of the hardest things I’ve gone through in my life have developed character traits in myself that I don’t think I would have, if I hadn’t gone through those experiences.
For example…
•Growing up in an abusive home made me strong… I like being strong.
•Losing my marriage allowed me to find myself… I realized I am whole; no one completes me.
•Losing my money & material possessions made me realize what’s actually important in life… I let go of false identities & false security, and found faith in myself & my Higher Power.
•Losing my health made me finally treat my body & mind with love… I let go of impossible standards for myself, and found joy & freedom in the process.
Finding gratitude, about these otherwise painful experiences, has allowed me to transform my pain into purpose. That’s a good thing.
But, what I’ve realized though, is sometimes I use gratitude as an avoidance tool. It’s not that gratitude is wrong or bad for me in hurtful situations, it’s just that sometimes I move to gratitude so quickly that I don’t actually feel the pain & process my emotions about these difficult experiences.
What we don’t feel, we don’t heal.
Since I never fully processed my grief from some of these events, I still subconsciously make decisions, at times, that aren’t in alignment with who I want to be… then I get frustrated that I keep finding myself in the same situations over & over & over.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds… attending to wounds heals wounds.
As an EMT I couldn’t just tell my patient with a gaping bullet hole wound… “Just give it time, and you’ll be fine” No. I had to address the wound or else their condition would deteriorate…
The same is true for emotional wounds.
Automatically moving to gratitude, without processing the pain & emotions from a negative event is like putting a bandaid on a bullet hole…
That’s not going to save a life.
Bullet wounds need surgery to stop the bleeding. Then & only then does the patient have a chance to make a full recovery.
We can’t live our lives with unattended bullet holes…
Processing emotions is the surgery that repairs the damage, and gratitude is the bandage that helps the surgical wound heal completely, to reduce the scarring as we go on with life…
Don’t stay stuck in your pain, but don’t pretend the wound didn’t happen either.
Thankfully, in my journey, I’ve found tools to assist in my healing, including Somatic practices to release trauma from my body & a therapist with whom I trust (who is the one that pointed out my habit of using gratitude to avoid pain 😬). Because of these tools, I now feel safe in my body to fully feel & process my emotions from my past… and because of this I’m shaping my future to be in alignment with my highest self, instead of going through life driven by fear.
Healing isn’t linear… it’s not fast… it’s not easy. It takes intention. It takes safety. It takes vulnerability. It takes trust.
But…
Healing is possible.✨
You have been given everything you need to heal. You lack nothing. Be brave enough to face the pain, so you can experience the freedom that follows… you deserve it. 💖
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