There Is Nothing To Fix
Who would you be if you believed there was nothing to ‘fix’ about you? How would you show up in this world? Confident? Happy? Relaxed? Would you enjoy your life more? Your family & friends? Your downtime? Would you be more present?
I work with goal-oriented clients, and as a goal-oriented person myself, I know how having goals can make life less mundane. Having something to work toward gives us a sense of accomplishment… a feeling that we have endless possibilities available to us.
And, while I love setting & accomplishing goals, and I love helping clients achieve theirs, I don’t love the belief that sometimes comes with being a goal-oriented person that we need to ‘fix’ ourselves & our lives…
I used to believe this about myself. I thought if I could just ‘fix’ certain aspects of myself, or my life, then I would feel happy & whole, and then I would be able to relax & actually enjoy my life…
The problem was, I was never able to ‘fix’ any of it. Even when I accomplished the goal, it didn’t feel the way I imagined it would feel… I could still see there was more ‘work’ to do. I did this about everything - my body, my finances, my relationships.
What I realized is, the problem wasn’t outside of me, it was inside - I believed myself to be broken.
This belief that I am broken, kept me from ever feeling any contentment around anything I ever did. Because it didn’t matter what I did on the outside… it didn’t matter how ‘perfect’ my body looked, how much money was in my bank account, how many friends I had, how dateable I was, how much I accomplished, how much I prayed… I was still inherently broken… or so I thought…
Then, one day, I woke up & realized it was all a lie… and the lie didn’t even make any sense.
This belief that I was inherently sinful for being human felt impossible to overcome… because it was. The reality is, I am living this human experience. I was created as a human, and if that was a mistake, it wasn’t my mistake. So, why the hell am I paying the price for that ‘mistake’?
The idea that I needed someone or something outside of myself to feel whole kept me trapped in unworthiness… because it kept me looking outward for the solution, instead of feeling inward to my innate wholeness.
It kept me focused on “doing” instead of “being”… I thought if I could just be a good enough person, then God would bless me, but this belief made me overlook all of the blessings I already had.
It kept me from fully being present in the life I had been given and kept me wishing for something different… I lived for someday… someday I’ll be happy, someday I’ll be content, someday if I earn my way into heaven I’ll have an eternal life of everything my heart desires (but, until then I just need to suffer this human existence).
It kept me in my head, with ruminating thoughts, instead of in my body… which prevented me from feeling the signals my body was giving me about my health, and about situations I was in… I learned to not trust myself and to outsource what was right for me to other people… I’d make decisions based on their input, and later feel resentment because I was unhappy with how my life was going because of the decisions I had made.
I began to question everything I had ever learned to believe… which led to the realization that all of these beliefs were contradictory. How could 2 completely contradictory beliefs be absolutely true?
I realized beliefs are not truths, beliefs are beliefs, and I am allowed to believe whatever the hell I want.
So, I decided to let go of the beliefs that made me feel unworthy, the beliefs that made me feel like a failure, the beliefs that kept me in the cycle of hustling to prove myself… and I learned to just accept myself for who I was - all parts of me. From this self-acceptance, I found freedom, contentment & peace that I had never felt before. From this place of wholeness, I was able to show up as the person I always wanted to be… because I was the person I always wanted to be - whole. I no longer felt the need to convince anyone else of my wholeness or worthiness. I could create boundaries from this place, and I could decide how much access others (who didn’t see my wholeness) could have with me. I was finally able to appreciate my body and my life because I could finally see the beauty in it, instead of everything it was lacking. I was able to finally become embodied, and get out of my head, and with this embodiment came wisdom I didn’t know existed within me… everything from being able to intuitively eat, instead of fighting my body to look or behave a certain way… to being able to sense if the people around me were “safe” people… to being able to tap into what is a true “yes” for me & what is a true “no”. With this wisdom, I make decisions that are aligned with my highest Self, and I am learning to trust myself a little more every day…
I believe this is how I was meant to live this human experience.
We weren’t meant to come here, stress out for like 90 years, and hate this entire existence… if God is good, that doesn’t even make sense.
Our wholeness is innate. There is nothing and no one outside of us that can make us more whole or less whole because wholeness is an entirety in itself.
By focusing on constantly ‘fixing’ ourselves we disconnect from ourselves & God within us… and we disconnect from each other because we can’t see the wholeness in others. This obsession with ‘fixing’ ourselves & our bodies is a way of spiritually bypassing the Truth - that we are enough… not only are we enough, but we are designed perfectly - there is nothing to ‘fix’, there is only acceptance for what is & trust for what will be… anything else is crazy-making, because it denies reality.
I used to help clients try and 'fix’ themselves, but as I’ve evolved as a person & a coach, I now encourage them to accept themselves… and the ones who do are the ones who have radical changes in their lives. Mountains that they struggled to climb for decades become the flat ground upon which they travel. Their transformation goes way beyond the physical, and it has a ripple effect on everyone & everything around them. They begin to show up as the person they always wanted to be instead of the person they were told they were supposed to be… they embrace their wholeness because it was within them the entire time… they just needed to remember who the fuck they are. I feel very blessed to be able to assist them on this journey & to be able to witness their metamorphosis.
Despite what you were told - you are whole. Remember it. Embrace it… and watch your life change because of it.
XO,
Stacie