You Can’t Hate Yourself Skinny
You can’t hate yourself skinny.
I mean, I guess you can, but what’s the point of that?
The point of wanting to change your appearance is to finally love & accept yourself, right?
Well, I’ll tell you a secret…
No change on the outside will change how you feel about yourself on the inside.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
I achieved the fitness model body I had been striving for. I was recognized by society as having achieved this by winning my Pro status in the fitness arena, and even that wasn’t enough. I literally cried when I got my stage shots back because I felt undeserving of a Pro card… I could still see all of my “flaws”… the finishing line of what the “perfect body” looked like got moved… AGAIN. I had accomplished every exterior physical feat that I had set for changing the exterior up to that point, abs it still wasn’t enough. I received the validation & praise from others I was looking for…
AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CHANGED IN THE INTERIOR.
I didn’t love myself anymore. Sure, I was proud of myself for putting in so much effort, but I didn’t love myself…
Because love is not earned. Love is a choice. Love is not a feeling… love is an action. It’s the decision to act lovingly towards someone, even when you don’t like them.
When I looked the best I’ve ever looked on the outside, I was riddled with anxiety on the inside. I knew I couldn’t sustain how I looked, because I was killing myself to look that way. I was miserable. I felt terrible physically, mentally & emotionally. I was in constant fear of being judged by others if I were to gain any weight, and I held myself to impossible standards I would’ve never thought of holding anyone else to…
I hated myself because I placed all of my worth into something that was fleeting - how my body looked.
After my last competition I started experiencing health problems that caused me to gain 20 pounds… 20 pounds that no amount of diet or exercise would get rid of.
I finally broke. I decided I COULD NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
It was when I looked the worst I had ever looked on the exterior, that I finally learned to love myself on the interior.
I finally surrendered & let go of trying to control my body. I finally started treating my body well - an act of self-love - by nourishing it & listening to the signals it gave me. I finally learned to love myself, regardless of how I looked.
I finally found peace.
I spent the majority of my life fighting my body, and it ultimately made me sick. Today, I may not be the leanest I’ve ever been, or the most physically fit, but what I’ve gained is better than 6 pack abs or winning competitions…
I am whole.
From this place of wholeness I move through the world in a different way. I no longer mistreat myself & I don’t tolerate mistreatment from others. I feel contentment, while still growing & changing. I am at ease, and I achieve success more easily because I’m not in constant struggle with myself. I am love… I can give love freely & I can receive love too.
As MLK Jr famously said, “Hate doesn’t drive out hate; only love does that.”
That applies to you too. 💖