Don’t Take Directions From Someone Who Has Never Been Where You Want To Go.

Learning who to take advice from, and who to take feedback from, is empowering.

I used to ask friends and family for advice before making any big decision.

Now, I love the people in my life. My life would be empty without them. I know this…

However, I’ve come to realize that not many of the people I know personally have the life that I desire. It’s not judgment or criticism when I say that. It’s the truth - I don’t want the relationships that they have, the careers that they have, the hobbies, homes, lifestyles, etc.

I want different experiences. I’m a dreamer. Maybe it’s my Enneagram 4 heart, maybe it’s my trauma, or maybe it’s my healing, who knows…

But, I’ve gotten very honest with myself, and through that honesty, I’ve begun to get in touch with my deepest desires. I’ve become brave enough to not only admit to myself what I truly want out of this life, but I’m also brave enough to work towards what I want, and when I “fail” I pick myself up and try again…

The truth is…

Something within me won’t let me be content with mediocrity anymore... not that I view others in my life as mediocre… not at all, but I want different than what they seem content with - I want big, audacious… I want to push the boundaries of what I think is possible. Whether it’s love, relationships, career, creativity, passion, purpose & more…

I want to experience the depths of whatever it is I’m doing.

I wasn’t always this way. Before my trauma healing, I had no dreams. My world was very small. The possibility of more didn’t exist in my mind… but, I do think it always has existed in my heart… I was just so disconnected from myself that I couldn’t feel it. The funny thing is, when I was deep in my trauma patterns before my healing, all I sought was control - in relationships, jobs, my body, etc. I only pursued what I had always been told I was supposed to want for my life - a steady job, a husband, kids, etc. Which I’m grateful I did pursue those things, because they gave me experiences I wouldn’t have ever had without them, but even at a very young age, I’ve always been different than my family of origin & others in my life…

Those things I was supposed to pursue, that I did pursue, were like a pair of jeans that just didn’t fit right. Yeah, I could wear them, but they were restricting & uncomfortable… not because I’m incapable of being married, having a steady job, being a mom, etc… but, because I engaged in them unconsciously in a way that I saw everyone else doing it, instead of aligned with the person I am at my core - the creative, big, audacious dreamer that I am. When I broke free, I finally embodied - Me... I became a better mother, I found fulfillment in my career, and I became aware of what I truly desire from my relationships.

I’ll still have moments where I try to pursue “practical” out of fear. Usually, when I try to go that route, the door is slammed in my face. If I then decide to force that door open, as soon as I enter that space, I immediately know it’s wrong for me. If I still decide to stay in that self-created cell, it feels as though a straight jacket is being cinched around me… I can’t breathe. Eventually, I have to break free to seek what my heart desires - freedom to be me, completely, in whatever it is I’m attempting…

Living this way isn’t always easy, I’ll admit. At times I get weary. I want to settle. I want a break. I want to be like others in my life, and be content…

But, I know if I do, I’ll end up hurting people in the process because it’s not genuine. I won’t be able to sustain it. Eventually, that pull for more will be too strong, and I’ll have to honor it…

Today, when I do seek advice, but it’s not from my loved ones. I seek advice from people who have been where I want to go, or have done what I want to do. Oftentimes I have to pay these people for that advice, and that’s okay… I seek out coaches, courses, books & mentors. The nice thing about this is, their advice isn’t based on their emotions toward me, it’s based on what they’ve accomplished & known to be true for them… This has expanded my world significantly. Their cautions aren’t based on their fear that they’ll lose me if I grow & leave the nest. Their cautions are based on their own lived experiences of overcoming failures on their way to greatness. I happily take those cautions into consideration because it saves me time & energy on my journey by not repeating the same mistakes they made.

As for my friends & family, I seek their feedback of me instead - their criticisms & concerns about me.

I then ask myself “Is there truth to that?”

Often there is… They do have a different perspective of me than I have of myself. Many times they can see my self-sabotage & the blocks I create for myself in my life that I just can’t see…

So, I listen to that feedback & I make adjustments when necessary…

But, I no longer allow the people who love me to tell me “It can’t be done. It’s impossible.” or to caution me to “Get real.” or tell me “You need to…”

If there’s a dream in my heart, I trust that it was put there for a reason, and I trust that I’ll be given the tools to make it happen as I begin to take action.

Living this way has helped repair my relationships as well… I now take radical responsibility for the outcome of my life. I no longer blame anyone else, or have resentment towards my loved ones for “holding me back” or not believing in me… I believe in myself. I trust that I will be okay, even when things don’t work out as I planned. Now, I just learn the lesson & move forward.

Over the years I’ve outgrown a lot of relationships in my evolution. I‘m not the same person I was when I met them, and I’m sure they aren’t either. It doesn’t mean I’m better than them or they’re better than me. It just means we’re different now. I don’t love them any less, but I’m not as close to them as I used to be, and that’s okay. Creating distance from those relationships creates space for new relationships to develop on my journey…

Finding people who want depth & growth on the same level that I do is hard, but I believe it’s possible… I just need to be open to them as I meet them along the way.

I used to think there was something “wrong” with me that I didn’t want the same things as the people around me - that maybe it was my inner saboteur creating chaos & difficulty in my life, but there’s nothing wrong with me for wanting to live a life of passion & purpose… for wanting to experience love & spirituality on a deep, DEEP, soul level… for wanting to have adventures, tell stories, and learn everything I can possibly learn in this lifetime. I’m still responsible. I still want stability. I don’t want to live in chaos. I’m just much more willing to be comfortable living in the uncomfortable of not having a perfectly outlined future… I’ve learned to follow my heart but take my head with me.

Our souls each came here for a different reason. My desires are different than yours, and yours are different than mine…

And that’s not only okay - it’s what makes this messy, magnificent life amazing. How wonderful we all came here to experience this plane of existence in a completely different way. There is no reality- there is only our reality. We each have the power to make that reality whatever experience we want to have.

If you have a deep calling in your heart for more - honor it.

If you don’t - allow yourself to love where you are fully & allow the dreamers in your life to follow their own path… that is how you maintain a loving connection with them as they fulfill their life’s purpose.

No matter your path or where you are - be fully present in this moment. Because that’s how you reach the end of your life knowing you truly lived it.

XO,

Stacie