Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
These are our basic survival mechanisms. We each have different ways we cope with stress/danger. Fight is when we go towards the “danger”. Flight is when we remove ourselves or avoid it completely. Freeze is when we can’t take any action at all in times of danger. And fawn is when we cower as an attempt to appease the threat in hopes it will spare us.
I’ve realized that when it comes to others in danger, my natural response is to fight. It’s what made me a good EMT… I’d run towards danger. When I see someone else being “attacked”, my natural instinct is to defend/save them… sometimes without regard to my own safety.
However, what I’ve realized is when it comes to my own “danger”, I used to go to fawn. I’d shape-shift into whatever I thought the other person wanted in order to save the relationship, but that became a massive conflict for my stubborn, independent nature… and it was unauthentic. The other person could sense it, and it created a disconnection between us. I realized how unhealthy that coping mechanism was, so I kinda swung too far the other way….
Today, my natural tendency is to flee or freeze & dissociate (which is another way to flee)… This may not seem like a big deal, but it makes the world a very lonely & scary place.
As humans, we’re wired for connection. Historically, when someone left the “tribe” they were put in great danger. Suddenly, they had to be on high alert all of the time to ensure they didn’t get eaten by some wild animal or mistaken as a threat by a different “tribe”.
Fleeing is exhausting.
Learning to recognize these coping mechanisms in myself, has helped me to lean into the uncomfortable… I’m learning to stay when my instinct says “just go it alone”… What’s happening through this process is I’m fulfilling my soul’s purpose in this lifetime…
Love & connection.
Through this process, I’m learning to connect with myself better - to identify what my heart truly wants… to love & be loved. I’m connecting better with my Higher Power, and the world doesn’t feel as threatening… Life is better for it because I can actually live life, fully.