Unexpressed expectations are just premeditated resentments.

Unexpressed expectations are just premeditated resentments.

For many years I lived in constant frustration with other people & their actions, or lack there of… I’d expect the other person to read my mind & just “know” what I wanted, how I wanted them to treat me, and what I needed from the relationship.

I’d engage in relationships with inconsistent behavior, which would leave me full of constant anxiety. I’d put a ton of time & energy trying to make the other person see my perspective… trying to convince them they’re wrong & I’m right… trying to convince them to choose me & love me… but, I did it in a way without asking for what I truly needed, because I didn’t want to be “too much”.

The other party in these relationships didn’t didn’t know what I expected of them & they didn’t respect me… and why would they?

Then, out of anger, I’d be disrespectful towards them as a way to make things “even”. I’d try and stir up something in them & they’d lose their temper with me… attention of any kind was better than nothing… or so I thought.

It was a vicious, dysfunctional cycle I was engaged in, for sure. I equated attention with connection, which are not the same thing at all. There was no actual connection, or real relationship, because there was constant mistrust on both parts.

I was so concerned with getting their attention, it never occurred to me the attention I was getting was unhealthy & unsatisfying… if I am to be completely honest about it now.

I realize now, it was my lack of clear communication of my expectations, which was a direct result of a lack of self-respect. I spent years blowing up relationships & then wondering why I was alone.

It’s still hard for me to tell someone what I want & need in a relationship, but I am getting better at it… I’m convinced it will always be a learning & growing process for me. Today I do not tolerate inconsistent or disrespectful behaviors. I do not spend my time & energy convincing someone to choose me, to love me, or to even respect me…

What I’ve learned from this is I am not for everyone… and that is okay. The people I am for, show up in a way where I feel safe to tell them what I want & need… these are my people. When I have moments where I revert back to old patterns & have unexpressed expectations, and the other person doesn’t meet those hidden expectations, I am able to own my mistake without repercussions… and we’re able to quickly repair the relationship.

The most improved relationship in my life is the relationship with myself. From this place I can show up authentically & cultivate happy, fulfilling relationships with others. The relationships in my life today, fill me up instead of drain me… it’s a much healthier & happier space to live…

Relationships are tricky, because we can’t control the other party… but, we can control how WE relate to them. If a relationship is important to you, focus on how you can show up better… and your relationship will be better for it.

#relationships #thriving #healing #forgiveness #lifecoach #healthcoach #recovery #12steps #boundaries #codependency #lifecoaching #behaviorchangespecialist #mindset #behaviorchange