It Ran In My Family Until It Ran Into Me

IT RAN IN MY FAMILY UNTIL IT RAN INTO ME.

There is NOTHING predetermined for us.

From health, to addiction, to mental health, to weight, to abuse, to relationships, to success in life, etc, etc, etc…

A common limiting belief is we are destined to have the same patterns & life as our family. I know I believed this for many years… I didn’t know there was another way to live besides the way I was raised. As I stepped out on my own, and got into therapy, I realized the shackles in my mind were just that… in my mind. I wasn’t tethered to my past, or my family… I am my own whole, complete person. Just because previous generations did things a certain way does not mean I have to engage in those behaviors at all. What resulted was a life I love, and endless possibilities…

Just because we have a gene that makes us higher risk for a disease, for instance, a gene variant linked to cancer or Alzheimer’s… it doesn’t mean we will automatically get that disease… epigenetics (our lifestyle) has a much greater impact on our health outcome than genes alone. Genetics may be the “gun”, but epigenetics determines whether you “pull the trigger” or not. Eating the right diet for you & incorporating healthy habits will determine whether you develop a disease or not.

Addictions run in families because trauma runs in families. The link between trauma & addiction is VERY close… of course correlation doesn’t always = causation, but it’s indisputable that there is a link. Unhealthy coping mechanisms are learned in families as well. It is possible to heal the trauma. I won’t go so far to say that will heal the addiction, but it is 100% possible to overcome the grasp addiction has on you & to recover.

It is now being recognized that pretty much every mental health disorder, from anxiety to depression to bipolar disorder to ADHD, is actually nervous system dysregulation. (and often gut dysbiosis) By learning to regulate the nervous system through Somatic practices, engaging in trauma-specific therapy, and healing the gut… mental health disorder's symptoms disappear.

Obesity doesn’t run in families… learned unhealthy habits run in families. Yes, some people evolutionarily have higher body fat than others (Inuit decedents for example… this is an adaptation for survival from ancestors living in colder climates… just like someone from African descent will have more melanin in their skin to protect them from the Southern Africa sun) But, obesity is preventable & reversible. Things such as microbiome composition do have a determining factor as to whether someone will be overweight or not, but microbiome composition is 100% in our control based on the foods we eat… so, it’s not predetermined. Eating habits are learned in families. This is the biggest argument I have for teaching your kids how to eat healthy. If you struggle with your eating & weight, you should NOT go on a special diet, and let your kids continue your old eating patterns… your kids need whole, healthy foods (lots of vegetables, some fruit, healthy fats, proteins & carbs) too. You are teaching your kids these habits for life. Just like it’s your responsibility to teach them to read, it’s your responsibility to teach them healthy habits around food. If you don’t, you’re setting your kids up for the same struggles you have… as a parent I know that’s definitely not something I want to pass on to my daughter. Life is hard enough. For the first 9 years of my daughter’s life she ate the standard American diet, while I ate organic vegetables, meats, and healthy fats & carbs as I was struggling with health problems… but, I realized her developing brain & body needed these nutrients as well. So, I switched her to my organic Paleo diet… it took consistency on my part, but over time she learned the new, healthy eating habits. Today she knows a healthy meal consists of vegetables, healthy proteins, fats & carbs… and she knows what an actual serving size of her favorite treats are & enjoys the appropriate amount. By changing your habits, you have the potential to change your entire family’s future.

Abuse is generational trauma that is passed down, but it can stop here. Trauma informed therapy, along with nervous system regulation through Somatic practices can halt abusive behaviors. (If you are being abused, no amount of therapy on your part can stop their abuse. Removing yourself from the situation is the only way to stop it. Then, trauma-informed therapy can be used to prevent you from entering the same type of relationship in the future. Only the abuser can change their behaviors by seeking their own therapy to break their patterns, but that is 100% their decision.)

Dysfunctional & codependent relationships run in families because of generational trauma & relational behaviors that are learned. Again, trauma-informed therapy, Somatic practices, and intentional behavior change on your part can break these patterns in the now, so you don’t pass them on to future generations.

Your success in life, however you measure it, is determined by your actions. Yes, there are systems in place that make it harder for some people to get ahead, such as the racism that is a part of the structure of our society, patriarchy, and capitalism, but it’s not impossible… being one of the subsets negatively affected by these structures does give a disadvantage compared to those who benefit by these structures, but with consist action on your part it is possible to overcome them. Again, the trauma derived from these oppressive structures does need to be addressed, but nothing is insurmountable… and success looks different to everyone. Determine what success looks like to you, and forget what the rest of society says it should look like. Pursue your own success… you’ve been given everything you need to achieve it.

The list can go on and on…

Letting go of the idea that you’re shackled to a predetermined destination is the first step in creating your own path. Determine where you want to go, and just like a GPS, focus on the next turn ahead… you don’t need to know every turn you’re going to make in the future. Reroute when necessary, and be sure to enjoy the beautiful scenery along the way… because the beauty & joy is in the journey. Don’t miss it because you’re focused on the destination. Life is happening now. So, live it fully. 💖

In my own life, I’ve broken many cycles of dysfunction, abuse, and addiction to name a few. Hopefully this will enable my daughter to travel down a healthier path… it’s not my job to prepare the path for her, but it is my job to prepare her for her path. By modeling healthy behaviors, she is learning the tools she’ll need to build that healthy, happy path of her own. Learning that I am separate from these patterns of my family, and understanding that they were developed & passed on from intergenerational trauma, allows me to have empathy towards those who engaged in those behaviors, to forgive them because I know it wasn’t intentional… it was all that they knew… but, yet, remain firm in my boundaries without feeling guilty when they refuse to change these behaviors. Recognizing the patterns of my own dysregulated nervous system & learning to regulate it has given me a whole new way to walk through life... and it has been life changing.

Breaking the cycle starts with YOU.

As always, let me know your thoughts…

-Stacie

Resources to check out on these subjects:

Books:

“How to do the work” by Nicole LePera How to do the Work

“The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. The Body Keeps The Score

“It Didn’t Start With You” by Mark Wolynn It Didn't Start With You

Microbiome testing: Viome

Trauma therapy: Trauma & PTSD Therapy

Somatic Therapy: Somatic Therapy