There are people & things from my past I have tried to forgive over & over & over… but it just won’t “stick”. It’s not genuine. I WANT to forgive them sooooo badly because my resentment is hurting me. I don’t want to carry this weight anymore. I have worked the 12 steps over & over, but I still feel resentment.. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t embody this forgiveness, even though it’s what I want…

Then I realized it was because I hadn’t let myself feel the rage within me.

It is a normal human emotion - a normal biological response - to be angry when someone mistreats you, neglects you, abandons you, and/or abuses you… even if these acts were unintentional. The intention of the other person is not the point, how it affected the receiver (the person trying to forgive) is the part that needs to be addressed within themselves for them to fully heal & to allow forgiveness to transpire. If you suppress your anger, it stays within you, and it becomes impossible to fully forgive…

YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL IF YOU TRULY WANT TO HEAL…

We’ve all heard of The Golden Rule:
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

What if we could go beyond The Golden Rule and treat others how THEY want to be treated?
This is The Platinum Rule.

The first time I realized my arrogance around this was around the infidelity in my marriage.

Prior to that, I thought…

I work with a lot of corporate clients. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the statement “I have a work emergency, so I don’t have time to…” You can fill in the blank here, but it’s always some type of self care behavior like eating a healthy meal, or exercising, or whatever that they don’t have time to do. The point is they’re sacrificing their health for productivity.

I’ll be honest, I have a hard time wrapping my head around this. Coming from a background of EMS where an emergency WAS literally life-or-death in some instances, the idea of an email or a phone call being an emergency just doesn’t compute with my EMT brain. When I worked EMS, I would respond to emergencies all the time during my shift, but the second I clocked out, they were no longer my problem…

This isn’t the case in the corporate world, as I have found out working with hundreds of clients over the years.

So, learning how to help my clients incorporate healthy habits into their hectic lifestyles has been a challenge…

The problem that you’re focused on isn’t the problem…

Money isn’t the problem… neither are the bills.

Your boss isn’t the problem… neither is your spouse/friend/partner/kid/etc.

Your weight isn’t the problem… neither is your body.

Whatever it is that you’re stressing & obsessing about…

It’s NOT the problem.

Rumination is a way for us to avoid internal work…

There is a false belief that control = power.

The exact opposite is true.

Control is when we’re not fully owning our internal power. So, we try to control external circumstances…

My child owes me nothing.

There’s a belief that children, as they grow up, owe their parents for all they did to raise them…

I disagree.

She did not choose to be born…

I chose to have her. With that comes the responsibility of raising her. I signed on for that...

She did not. She owes me nothing.

As she grows into an adult, it is MY job to grow & evolve with her if I want to maintain a close relationship with her… it is not her job to shrink & stay small so I don’t feel the uncomfortable that comes with her growing into her own person…

4 TIPS FOR A MORE DIVERSE/HEALTHY GUT MICROBIOME (that doesn’t involve a probiotic supplement)

By now you’ve probably heard that a healthy, diverse gut microbiome is linked to better health, better immunity, a healthier body composition/weight, better mental health, and more.

When thinking about creating a healthy microbiome, most people automatically think about probiotic supplements, which have become very popular in recent years… and there’s good reason for this, as more & more research is being done on which strains are the most beneficial to humans.

However, solely relying on a probiotic to fix your gut is like throwing a handful of seeds into an empty, dirt field and expecting a lush forest to grow. Yeah, maybe those few seeds may produce a tree or two, eventually, which may drop a few seeds to produce another tree or two, and so on… but, it’s going to take many, many years to create a shady spot to sit.

However, if you added many seeds throughout the field, and fertilized them, the process would be much faster.

The same is true for the gut.

Probiotic supplements are great, but really it’s the stuff that feeds the good bacteria that will make the biggest difference…

As a coach, I walk a fine line with clients - gentle & tough.

The reason is, I know that when someone is ready to do something - they’ll do it.

When they’re not - they won’t.

There’s nothing I can do or say to make them ready… All I can do is walk beside them, support them, and give them resources… but, ultimately they are the ones who have to take the action…

What story is holding you back?

“I’m the type of person who…”

“I could never do that…”

“I do best in the supporting role…”

We all create stories in our minds of the person we think we are or are not. We create stories of what we believe is possible for us.

These stories are created by our Ego in an attempt to make sense of who we are - our identity. These stories are largely developed by our past experiences…

But, what if they’re not true? (Spoiler alert: they’re not)

How someone makes us feel is largely based on their actions. If someone respects us & treats us well, we’ll likely like to be in their company… but, if they disrespect us & don’t treat us well, we won’t.

It’s completely normal & acceptable to not like someone when they don’t treat us how we want to be treated. This includes family, friends & even ourselves. (because at times we don’t treat ourselves well either)

But, love is not earned. Love is given freely, regardless of actions of others… because love IS an action.

Our bodies are chemistry labs, not bank accounts. Whenever we consume something, whether it’s food or a beverage, it starts a chain reaction of events to metabolize the substance. It’s not as simple as 300 Calories gets deposited & 300 Calories gets withdrawn.

A Calorie is simply a unit of measurement, in a lab, that determines how much energy is expended when you burn a substance for energy… which is great as a standard of measurement, but not so great when the machine (i.e. our bodies) are made of many complex systems that work together.

I recommend yoga to everyone because most people are so disconnected from their bodies, that they can’t tune into what they actually need in any given moment- from hunger to satiety cues, dehydration cues, pain & tension, and more.

Also, stress-management is a non-negotiable if you want to be healthy & happy. You can take all the supplements, eat the “perfect” diet, etc. but, if you’re not moving your body out of “fight or flight” and into “rest, digest & healing” - YOU WILL NOT HEAL & feel better. Period.

But, hot yoga is not relaxing…

I am all about creating the life you want. I don’t believe we should stay in relationships, jobs, etc. just because that’s what we’re told we “should” do. Settling leads to resentment, which then leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms, followed by a whole host of other problems like self-sabotage, depression, anxiety, and more…

However, there are times in life where things are sh*tty & hard. These times are usually associated with growth & change…

Whether it’s changing our habits to get healthy, starting a new career, or hitting a bumpy time in a relationship, etc.

In these instances we have to decide…

Which sh*t sandwich do I want?

We don’t get a choice of how the characters in our stories behave, but we have the choice of the story we choose to write. It can be a story of victim-hood & bitterness, or it can be a story of love conquering all…

I have a bad habit of judging my feelings, analyzing them & trying to change them.

When I’m happy, hopeful or excited about something, a voice within me says that I shouldn’t be too delighted or enthusiastic because something bad could take it away, and then I would feel immense disappointment… and I’d feel stupid for letting myself get excited about it in the first place.

When I’m upset about something, sad, mad or frustrated that voice tells me I should be grateful for the good things in my life, or I should look for the positive in the situation, or that my situation isn’t as bad as other peoples’, etc… then I feel weak for not being tough all the time & shameful for not exclusively focusing on good things (that may or may not have to do with the situation at hand).

Neither of these behaviors are helpful…

I always thought being brave meant being strong & independent, but now I know it actually means being honest & willing to relinquish control, to allow something beyond what I believe is possible to transpire in my life.

The opposite of love isn’t hate…

It’s fear.

Fear is what drives hate - fear that someone or something could hurt you or take something from you. Fear is what keeps us disconnected from ourselves & others. Fear is what paralyzes is into not stepping out of our comfort zone… it keeps us playing small. Fear is what causes us emotional pain… not love.

Love requires trust. Faith that everything will be as it’s supposed to be…

Stress management is a DAILY practice. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive… it just simply needs to be done to be effective.

You were not meant to live life stressed out & overwhelmed… that is NOT living.

You are meant to live life happy, healthy & free. Claim it.